We Don’t Talk Anymore

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I used to be a news junkie with a constant stream of NPR, daily dose of the New York Times and frequent check ins with CNN and other news sources. In recent years, however, I’ve cut so far back on my news habit that I barely get the joke references on the rare occasion I tune into late night TV. My media fast has been intentional, and as I’ve cut the constant buzz of what is mostly bad news out of my life, my whole outlook and energy has shifted.

I am not, however, completely shut off from the world of current affairs. I still get news notifications which I look at from time to time, but what I’ve started to notice is that because my smart phone is good at guessing what I want to see, I almost always get stories that support my beliefs and my political leanings. It has taken me a while to realize this, at least partly because I’m not paying super close attention, but now that I realize what’s going on I really can’t be quiet any longer.

We have the capability to control exactly what we see on social media, online news and even on television to the extent that we are risking the loss of one of the best parts of living in a free society – the ability to not only voice our own opinion but also to be exposed to the opinions of others.

Take the presidential election, for example. Even with my limited media exposure I do feel that I am fairly well-informed about the core issues. I also have strong concerns about one of the candidates in particular, and every time I look at my newsfeed these concerns are being supported by the stories I’m seeing.  Interestingly, the stories come from credible sources like the New York Times and Washington Post and are all completely in line with my thinking. What I’ve only just realized, however, is that these stories, which at first appear to be news stories, are really op-ed pieces, but I’m only being shown the ones that I already agree with.

It’s a classic case of preaching to the choir: it’s comfortable but it is wise? Think back to your days in your college dorm room, drinking bad beer and debating philosophy with the guys down the hall. You might not have solved the world’s problems or changed your beliefs, but hopefully you did listen and maybe you even learned something you didn’t know before.

We’ve all heard the saying, “There’s my story, your story, and then somewhere in between there is the real story.”

Nothing fuels the fires of fear more than the unknown, and I’m concerned that as our society becomes increasingly polarized and fragmented, that our technology and selective listening is going to make things worse, not better.

What if we purposely start a movement of crossing over – of taking the time to read or listen to someone else’s point of view? If we’re so sure we are right all the time we will never have the opportunity to engage in dialogue that solves problems in a meaningful and satisfactory way. I’m taking the first step today and am clicking on the campaign website of the candidate I don’t like. I’m not expecting to change my views or my vote but I do want to start listening and figuring out how we got to such a divisive place, and to start figuring out how we can make sure people feel heard as we work to build a new world together.

 

 

 

To MWBE or Not to MWBE

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Background with hundreds of business people

TO MWBE or not to MWBE, that is the Question

My husband was, at first, not a huge fan of the concept of MWBE certification. If you’re not familiar with it, the designation stands for “Minority or Woman Business Enterprise”, meaning that the majority shareholders of a company are either female and/or a minority. The reason that this is important is that there is a lot of money at stake. In New York State the governor has deemed that 30% of all state contract work should be given, whenever possible, to a MWBE-certified company, which is one of the highest percentages in the nation.

My husband’s objection to the whole MWBE thing came not because he doesn’t want my company to get more work, but because he felt that the longer we as a society continue to draw attention to our differences – whether race or sex or anything else – we help to perpetuate the myth that we are not all the same. I do see his point, in theory anyway. People are people, after all, and doing any kind of business should be based on a company’s ability to deliver a good product or service at a competitive price.

However, the truth of the matter is, it rarely works that way. Decisions about whom a company decides to do business with are more often than not based on connections and relationships at least equally as much (maybe more so) than ability and acumen. In my small city in upstate New York I have repeatedly experienced the challenges and frustrations of not being in the “old boys network”. I’ve even had people directly tell me that they were unhappy with a competitor’s work, but that they would not be changing vendors because “we play golf together” or “it’s the way we’ve always done things.”

It’s certainly any company’s prerogative whom they decide to do business with, but as someone who has been struggling for nearly eight years to “break into the market”, I was ready to try something new that might finally give me an advantage, and to consider trying to get MWBE certification.

I was at first unsure about applying to become an MWBE. I had heard the process was daunting (an understatement) and was annoyed that I had to provide so much paperwork about my company when anyone – from my banker to my employees – could tell you that I am indeed a female and that I am fully responsible for everything from the company’s payroll and finances to decisions around hiring and firing, sales, strategy – everything, really. I felt that it was obvious, and given all that I was doing, I didn’t have time to add a layer of paperwork to everything else. I also didn’t do much government work, so wasn’t even sure if the whole ordeal was going to lead to anything worthwhile.

But finally, in 2014, a potential contract came up via one of our strategic partners, and they told me that if I could get MWBE certified it would be easier for them to make the case for using my company. Finally I was motivated to look into the process further, and I visited the Entrepreneurial Assistance Office at our local community college for guidance. That office was extremely helpful in orienting me to the process and to getting me started on the road to certification.

They explained that everything is submitted online, and if you go to the site and start answering some basic questions about your company, your portal into the site will populate with a list of documents you need to submit, based on your legal business structure. Be prepared that the required paperwork is significant, but one of the nice features of the portal is that you can work on the application over a period of time. You will see a list of red and green checkmarks – red if you haven’t yet completed a section of required docs and questions and that beautiful green mark when you have.

The state gives you a couple of months to complete the process, and if you need more time you can “request an extension” which gives you additional time. Whenever the extension period is ending you will receive an email letting you know that you need to complete the process or renew again. I offer you a word of caution: if you forget to renew your extension your entire file will be deleted, causing you to have to start the process over from scratch. Ask me how I know this. Yes… that happened, and I assure you, it was a dark, dark day when my file disappeared.

In fact, I was so discouraged after “the incident” that it took me almost another year before I applied again. This time, with another potential contract hanging in the balance, I was determined to get the certification. Having made the decision to take the whole thing more seriously the second time around, I blocked out days in my schedule and started gathering paperwork, facts and figures.

I finally completed the application and although I was “fast tracked” due to my pending contract, the entire process took several months. I ended up having an in-person interview at my place of business, which surprised me, as many of my friends who got certified were not required to go through this step. The gentlemen who visited me said that my case was flagged because my husband is a minority shareholder in my company. Because there is so much money at stake, they explained that there’s also a lot of fraud that they’re trying to weed out – companies that are actually well-engrained in that old boys network but which are trying to give themselves an extra advantage by getting MWBE certified.

So, how does this story end? I finally did receive my certification last October. I got the contract that had spurred me to apply the second time, and then I started doing more research and participating in webinars and other events to learn how to best leverage my new certification. I’m still figuring that part out, but I have certainly had some contracts and opportunities that came my way at least partly because of the certification.

I wouldn’t say that becoming a WBE has completely leveled the playing field for me, but I greatly appreciate the fact that it’s making things a little bit easier and sometimes has given me a competitive advantage. And what about my husband? Well, he is slowly coming around to the idea of the MWBE, though he will still say that he believes it fights discrimination with another type of discrimination. I’d answer that by saying that one day in a perfect world we may not need to make allowances for companies that are women or minority owned, but today, with women still making 79 cents on the dollar compared to men, and where old boys networks are still the status quo, it feels like a positive and necessary step.

 

Elin Barton is the CEO of White Knight Productions, a firm that is known for compelling videos and digital marketing expertise. She also works as a business coach and consultant and frequently speaks on entrepreneurship, overcoming perceived failures and the importance of changing your mindset first, for future successes.

Live Like a Lottery Winner

~ whiteknighthub ~ 1 Comment

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Who hasn’t dreamed of winning the lottery? Sure, we’ve all heard the statistics – the odds of winning are less than the odds of meeting your high school sweetheart while climbing Mount Kilimanjaro at precisely 2:32 p.m. on September 26. You are more likely to be struck by lightening on separate occasions, be crushed by a meteorite or even become an astronaut than you are to win the jackpot.

And the stories of all of the people who either lose their entire winnings or who are ruined by the experience are not very encouraging, either. But still, there is something enticing about the dream of choosing the winning numbers. How different and exciting your life would be… how you’d have entirely new freedom, happiness – and probably a better car – than you do now.

With one of the big jackpots creeping up towards $400 million again, it got me thinking about a conversation I had with a former neighbor of mine. We were living out in Los Angeles at the time and my friend Beth lived across the street with her husband and young son.

One day she announced that they had decided to move to Santa Cruz, on California’s Central Coast. I was surprised by this revelation, as they both had good jobs and were well established in LA, but Beth’s logic went something like this:

“If we ever actually won the lottery we’d move to Santa Cruz. The lottery thing may never happen, but we can control where we live. Even if we have to go to a smaller house and cut corners for a couple of years we’ll still feel like winners.”

Many years after this conversation happened it still sticks with me very poignantly. Some people might call what they did foolish or risky, but I think it’s just the opposite. What are the implications of not taking control of your happiness? How many people do you know who feel trapped in jobs or situations they don’t like, and who stay because they feel they “should”?

Have you ever heard someone say something along the lines of:

“I’ll be happy as soon as I get that promotion?”

“When our sales reach “X” dollars, then I’ll be happy?”

“When I meet Mr. – or Ms. – Right, that’s when everything will be good.”

Are you starting to see what is wrong with this picture? With a limited number of days, hours, and minutes to walk this earth, isn’t it time to make a positive change in your life, starting today?

I ask you, don’t we all have a responsibility to live like lottery winners, even if it’s just in some small way? If you won the lottery what would you want? Is it more time with your family? Would you become a philanthropist? Spend time at the beach? Go fishing?

Sure, some of these things would be easier or could be done on a different scale with millions in your pockets, but life is short and if there are things you have thought about doing it’s time to start figuring out how to turn those ideas into reality.

It’s easy to make excuses but you’re surely doing yourself a huge disservice if you don’t start taking little steps towards your big goals. Here is a guide to get you started.

  1. Visualize – close your eyes and imagine that you suddenly have endless wealth. What are the top five things you’d like to do?
  2. Now look at each of those things and consider, what is the core reason you would enjoy each one? For example, you may envision yourself living in a luxurious mansion, but if you dig a little deeper you may discover that the core enjoyment is, perhaps, being surrounded by beautiful things.
  3. Once you understand where your core pleasure is rooted, take out a piece of paper and brainstorm ways that you might start achieving some of those feelings of joy right now, before you win the lottery. For example, if you’re craving being surrounded by beautiful things could you take one room in your house, or one corner of a room and start a conscientious transformation of the space?

Continue taking small steps towards all five of your top lottery winner goals and you will gradually begin to see real transformation in your life, whether or not your numbers are ever drawn. For isn’t it true that we all owe it to ourselves to live our best lives, without waiting for some external event to make everything change?

My husband and I always said we’d become patrons of the arts when our big money ship came in. Well, we’re still waiting for our millions, but we’re not waiting to live out our dream. I have joined a committee on our local arts council and now support multiple artists by donating my time and what we can financially to this organization.

And what about my friend in Santa Cruz? She still hasn’t won the actual lottery yet, but she is living in a lovely little house in a very beautiful part of the country. By living bravely and by making conscientious choices she isn’t waiting to live the life of her dreams, and neither should you.

 

 

Life’s Short – Choose Joy

~ whiteknighthub ~ 3 Comments

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Have you ever had days – or weeks – or months – where things feel overwhelming? Bills are piling up, people aren’t returning your calls, and it seems like you’ve done all that you can do, but still things aren’t happening the way you’d like them to?

Do you ever just want to call a time out and say, “This is not what I signed up for?!”

If only you could control other people things might be closer to perfect – if by some magic mind trick you could make the client call and green light their project, turn your kids into perfect angels, or suddenly manifest a spouse who remembered to pick up the laundry and take out the trash.

Unfortunately, that kind of power is really just a fantasy, or at best, an illusion. The only things we ever really get to control are our own thoughts and actions. But the good news is, we still have a lot of say in how we go through life and experience the world.

Most people have something going on that is causing them stress – a money issue, a health concern, a troublesome relationship or some other matter. What’s interesting is that sometimes the smallest shift in our own perception of the situation can actually make the biggest difference.

Everyone and everything is constantly emitting energy. Have you ever met someone and immediately liked them – or had the opposite reaction? The way that you feel about the person is, in those first moments, your instinctual reaction to their energy and non-verbal cues. When you start to realize that this is true, and learn to change your own energy, you quickly see how you can use this to your advantage.

And it goes beyond just being the popular kid in the room to something way more ethereal.

A few months ago in my small business I was experiencing what we affectionately call a cash flow crisis. It seemed like everything was blocked in the way that water from a garden hose gets stuck when there is a kink somewhere before the nozzle. Checks I was waiting for were nowhere to be seen, despite all of my follow up, and bills were piling up on my desk. Every day I’d come into the office, look at the bills, and immediately start to feel anxious and tense. Then, when I didn’t see an ACH deposit in my bank, or a check in the mailbox, the anxiety would increase.

I was so tense I was not in the right state of mind to talk to new clients or grow my business and the whole thing turned into a vicious cycle. Because I’d taken every action I could think of around this problem I decided it was time to try something different.

So one morning as I was lying in bed and thinking about the day ahead I made a conscious decision to just be full of joy and gratitude. I promised myself that for that one day I would forget about the invoices and the bills. I would just focus on being happy and curious and working on moving my business forward.

When I came into the office I announced it. “Today I choose to be joyful.”

I got some strange looks, but that one decision made all the difference, as the floodgates of energy flow burst right open. Not only was I more relaxed and nicer to be around, but I was noticing the world in a whole new way. I started to see the beauty again in the sun and the trees. I noticed details that had escaped me for weeks when I was focused only on my problems. And I was able to bring this energy to conclude several successful talks with both new and existing clients.

That particular day several unusual things happened. First, someone we had never worked with before walked in off the street and hired us to do a job. For us acquiring clients usually takes months and some serious relationship building. Because we don’t rely on walk-in customers we are also not on any main thoroughfare, so for him to just show up and hire us was definitely out of the ordinary.

That same “joyful” day, we also got “random” calls from three separate people, asking us to collaborate on new projects. Some might call all of this a coincidence, but I don’t buy that. I’ve experimented with this conscious shift of energy time and time again and consistently see positive results when I follow these steps:

  1. Think about your patterns and identify where you’re experiencing anxiety or stress. If you don’t know, try writing out a list or sit quietly and meditate on this topic until things become clearer. If there are multiple areas, choose one to focus on.
  2. It’s important to take a two-pronged approach. Take action if you can, to work on your problem (even small steps that you believe will move you towards resolution), then be ready to step back and allow the Universe to work its magic. Don’t worry about controlling every part of the process from problem to solution.
  3. Set a time frame for yourself where you promise to be conscientiously joyful and stick to it. Whether it’s a day or a week or even a few hours, do not allow anything to interfere with your priority, which is to simply be happy and grateful.
  4. Take stock of what you experienced during your vacation from stress. Did you have a more enjoyable day? Did you receive any blessings, whether in the form of a friendly smile from a stranger or an unexpected gift or money from a new source?
  5. Journal, reflect, and if you feel inclined to do so, repeat the process.

 

Once you experience this shift for yourself, and practice these steps a few times, you’ll quickly be able to identify when the negative thoughts come creeping back in. You’ll also be able to easily flip the switch that will help shift from blocked energy to harnessing the vast power of positivity. Letting more joy in your life is a win-win, so what are you waiting for? Today is a perfect time to choose joy.

 

Homesteading: 5 Steps to Making Your Dreams Come True

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I was listening to a TED Talk the other day and the presenter was speaking about amazing things she was able to accomplish in her teens and early 20’s because she was, to paraphrase, “too young and naïve to know that failure was a possibility.”

That statement struck a chord with me, because it was very much the way I was at that age. After college I moved to Europe and just expected things to work out, and so they did – beautifully. Because I didn’t even think about being scared I expected – and got – good jobs in the fields of radio, television and film. I lived in Prague, right on Václavské náměstí, one of the city’s main squares. I’d equate it to living right in Times Square in New York – it’s famous but very few people actually live there. Well, I did, in Prague, in affordable and comfortable apartments, not once, but twice, for the duration of my three and a half years in the city.

Looking back on that time and countless other fortunate “accidents” in my 46 years on this planet, I’m starting to see a real pattern, and that is, when I’m aligned with my purpose and focused on my goals, things always fall into place. And even though when times are tough and it’s not immediately obvious that it’s all working out as it should be, looking back it’s easy to see that the lessons, the connections, the foundation blocks, are all part of the plan.

This is probably an easier concept to embrace when we’re young, perhaps because we tend to not over analyze things. But then as we get older there are more things to consider – mortgages, kids, tenure, retirement, and sometimes we get stuck in our own heads and our own lives. It’s easy to move out of the realm of possibility and into more of a fear and lack-based mentality, unless we actively fan the fires of faith and hope. Although I strongly believe in the Law of Attraction – the idea that the Universe is always conspiring for our higher good –I find that I have to constantly be corralling and taming my thoughts and emotions to maintain the youthful panache that took me on a most excellent adventure to Europe, Los Angeles and then on to New York.

I frequently hear from people, many of whom are well-established in successful careers, that they feel unfulfilled because they have let go of the part of themselves that is chasing a dream. Sometimes they find that the voice inside their head that’s telling them to seize the moment simply cannot be silenced any longer. Those few who listen to this voice and ultimately take steps towards living their dream are the ones I think of as homesteaders.

Just like the pioneers who built our country, these folks are drawing a line, making a stake in what they claim as their own. No one can see every step of the way when starting on a new journey, but there is the promise of adventure, crossing paths with new people, the self-satisfaction of knowing that you went for it, and the peace that comes from not having to wonder, “what if”.

If your own little voice has been trying to be heard lately, here are some steps you can follow to move closer to living the life of your dreams.

  1. Be aware of when you feel most passionate and alive. Is it when you’re talking about becoming an actor? Does woodworking fill you with excitement? Is it working with children, or with animals? Do you love to write or do crafts? Many times people are not sure what their passion is, or what direction to go in, but if you start to tune into the way you talk about certain things, you might start to get some clues. Writing your thoughts down in a journal or developing a regular meditation practice can also help guide you in the right direction.
  2. Once you have a sense of what your life’s passion is it’s time to exercise your imagination. Sit quietly, close your eyes, and imagine a perfect life where you’re fully living your dreams, and expressing yourself through your gifts and whatever it is that resonates most with you. Allow yourself to really let your imagination loose here, in a big way. Release any limiting beliefs you have about your abilities or the feasibility of whatever your passion is. Just imagine that your wildest dreams are coming to fruition. For many of us, getting comfortable with seeing this picture is one of the hardest parts of the process, but it’s also one of the most important.
  3. No one achieves their goals by snapping their fingers or waving a magic wand. Everyone who does great things does so by moving consistently in the direction of their dreams. You can turn baby steps into a daily ritual until it becomes a habit. I like to begin every day by writing down at least 5 things that I’m grateful for, 5 things that I’m excited about that are coming up in the near future, 5 goals I have for myself in different areas of my life, and for each goal at least one baby step that I intend to take that day to move me in the direction of my dreams.
  4. As you think about the steps to turn your goals into reality, there are going to be things that come up that are outside of your comfort zone. That is good. Go out of your way to identify what these things are, and then just do them, one by one. Stepping out of your comfort zone could include joining Toastmasters and regularly giving speeches to that group. It can also involve joining a gym, or picking up the phone and calling someone who you believe can help you move your new business forward. Try to push on the limits of what is comfortable every single day.
  5. Share your gifts. You may not be in a position to get paid with money right away when you start pursuing your dreams, but there still may be ways to share your gifts with others. Can you volunteer at a school or retirement home? What about becoming a non-traditional intern for someone you admire in the field that you’re trying to break into? There are more ways to get a return on your investment than just monetarily, and all of these actions will help move you towards living the life you’re dreaming about.

 

 

Plot Twist: Time for a New Ending

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Do you remember being a kid – maybe seven years old – when everything was possible? You could grow up to be an astronaut, a cowboy, or a rock star. And you absolutely believed it. Your story was ever changing, endlessly exciting and most importantly, totally doable.

And you know what? If any one of us would have held tight to those dreams and kept on believing them with all of our might, there is a high chance that our paths might have been a little different. Because you see, the funny thing about our words and our stories is that they are the truth, even if they’re spoken before the present-day reality has caught up with them. You’ve probably heard the famous quote by Henry Ford in which he said, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.”

That quote has endured for the past hundred years or so because it’s extremely accurate. The problem is, most of us let go of our childhood dreams and desires. We’re told to “grow up”, and to “be practical”, whether this message comes from parents, teachers, peers, or even ourselves.

Fast forward a few years to when make-believe is no longer encouraged, and you start checking things off from that list of potential reality. Even my own teenage daughter is not immune, and despite hearing for years how important our thoughts and words are, she can still rattle off a whole slew of formerly desirable jobs she could “never” do for one reason or another.

Unfortunately, as our world of possibilities shrinks, we often start writing another story, and this one is far more dangerous. It can sound like this:

“I’ll never get that promotion. There are so many people much more qualified than I am.”

“Every time I look at a piece of cake I gain 5 pounds. I’ll always be overweight.”

“I’m terrible with money. There’s no way I’ll ever get out of debt.”

The thing is, unlike the stories of possibilities from childhood, these new stories not only do not serve us, but the more we repeat them the more likely our reality is to reflect our words. And these stories are like a disease. They are disruptors on our life’s path, distractors that keep us from walking in alignment with our purpose. The words that make up these limiting stories and beliefs are woven into the fabric of our souls, and eventually they can masquerade as a part of our personality. Sometimes we get confused and even let them define who we think we are.

And that’s when we start feeling lost and out of sync with life. Oftentimes it’s in middle age that people realize something is off. The lucky ones see it sooner and take corrective action.

But sometimes it can be tricky to identify that there even is something amiss, at least on the surface. We go through the paces of our life – showing up for work, paying the bills, and driving the kids to soccer practice.

But if we’re paying attention we may start to hear a little voice – perhaps at first it’s just a whisper. And it may sound, just a little bit, like the stories of our youth. We may hear hints of our forgotten dreams, clues about who we could be, if only we’d stop playing small.

But how in the world do you get from here to there? How does one go from doing all the things you’re “supposed” to do, as a responsible citizen, to fulfilling your purpose and living the life of your dreams? Well, it starts with the simple fact that your thoughts are your powerhouse and first point of contact for true self-creation.

If we’re mindful of those thoughts and carefully guard against the negative ones, we can start to once again speak in the language of what’s possible. When we’re able to open up our imagination and mentally transport ourselves to visualizing the life we want to lead, we’re already well on the way to making it happen.

Once you can see where you want to end up you have to start playing a little game with yourself, with both your thoughts and your words. You have to think and feel and talk as if you’ve already achieved your goals. It’s important to declare it to be true because this is the way to start shifting your energy around your story, which leads to a different ending entirely.

In this way, “I’m terrible with money. There’s no way I’ll ever get out of debt” changes to: “I’m so excited and grateful that this is the year I’m coming out of debt.”

Instead of, “I always gain weight. I’ll never be in shape,” you can shift your energy around to, “I enjoy eating healthy and being active. I feel so good when I eat well.”

Once you believe it in your very core you need to start taking steps to inch your way towards your goals. While it’s neither possible nor important to know exactly what your journey looks like between here and there, it is critical that you take action, however small, in the right direction.

It’s a simple choice, really – taking ownership first over your thoughts and words and then your actions, to consciously craft the life of your choosing, or to be a victim of mindless words and complaints.

Let me start you in the right direction with my declaration: I fully believe in you and am thrilled that you’re well on your way to taking charge of your life and achieving all that you have set out to be and do. So go forth and conquer, and enjoy the journey, dear warriors. You’ve got this!

Protecting Your Peace

~ whiteknighthub ~ Leave a comment

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There is a thief that has robbed me repeatedly over the past 20 years, both in my personal and professional lives. I have never recovered anything that this thief has taken from me, but I have found ways to protect myself against being violated again in the future.

This thief has a name, and its name is Worry, and it’s taken from me two of the most precious things we have on this earth – peace of mind and the sweet gift of time.

And Worry is a practiced burglar. It sneaks in, quietly at first, innocuous and small, like a speck of dust or a tiny seed. And then the seed sprouts, grows and takes over, like a cancer. Before you know it, that thing – whatever it is that’s causing you worry and stress – becomes the only thing you can think about, making it impossible to do anything else. Your mind becomes polluted, and you get to the point where you can’t even function. You lose any joy in the present moment, sleeping is out of the question, and your entire personality can be changed.

The funny thing is, the thief isn’t even real. All of this happens in your own mind as it spins a fictional tale of what might happen “if” or “when”. For it turns out when Worry comes in we become extremely skilled at telling dark and twisted stories about our impending doom.

I remember one time when Worry blindsided me on what should have been a fun night out. My future husband and I had moved to Los Angeles with a handful of possessions and little money. Although we were both working, paychecks were sporadic at best, and they never came in as fast as the bills did. We were working hard to build a life for ourselves but at that time all of the unknowns felt like a mountain that was exhausting to look at, let alone climb.

Somehow in the midst of all of that we had managed to scrape together enough money to go and see a Joan Baez concert at the Greek Theater, but unfortunately, Worry followed us there too. No sooner had we sat down than it hit me full force. I felt the panic taking over, uncontrollable. “Oh, my goodness,” I said, wringing my hands. “What are we going to do? We don’t have any money. We are never going to be able to figure this out. We have no backup plan!”

My tirade went on and on, as John tried to talk me down and back into the present moment. It helped a little but the feeling of panic never really went away, and the night that should have been so pleasant was absolutely stolen away by my soon familiar companion, Worry.

Worry became a regular visitor during the ensuing years and took from me many beautiful days, and countless nights that could have been spent in rejuvenating slumber. I recognized that Worry never served me well. It never helped to solve any actual problems, or do anything constructive, but it wasn’t until years later that I finally figured out how to protect myself from its unwanted presence.

After living with this thief for too many years, I highly recommend the following techniques to protect your inner peace:

  1. Be very protective of the messages you allow into your consciousness. Newscasts, violent or disturbing TV shows and films, and negative “scare-mongering” people have no place in your life. If you can’t eliminate them completely, you at least need to tune them out.
  2. Worry is a form of fear, and fear and love cannot cohabitate. It’s either one or the other, so when you feel Worry seeping in, consciously choose love. One helpful technique is to practice writing down a list of things you’re grateful for, right here, right now. No matter how bad things seem, everyone has good things to acknowledge, and the more you do this the easier it gets.
  3. Really come to understand that Worry is all about a future myth that hasn’t happened yet and may never happen. Focus instead on the present, taking one second, one minute at a time. You’re okay right now in this moment, so accept that, breathe, and practice being present. Practices like meditation can help to center you if you find this difficult.
  4. First, accept that you need to let go of any outcome of your situation, and trust that whatever happens is for your higher good. Once you fully accept that, try taking baby steps towards making a positive impact on whatever Worry is trying to taunt you with. If it’s a money issue, figure out what tiny step you can take to begin to move your finances in the right direction. If it’s a relationship issue try making a little effort to improve things. Then let go of having to control how the whole thing turns out. It is exactly as it should be.
  5. Help someone else. One of the quickest way to inner peace, and one of the fastest way to squash Worry is to get the focus off of yourself. Volunteer, call a friend and offer to help around their home or business, begin performing random acts of kindness with total strangers, always expecting nothing in return. Worry can’t handle this kind of altruism and will soon be a distant memory.

I have found that Worry still shows up from time to time, and even occasionally gets a temporary foothold, but it doesn’t stay long. I am deeply protective of my inner peace and the more I stand my ground on the matter the easier it gets. In fact, these days I can even fight it off in my sleep.

Elin Barton is the CEO and President of White Knight Productions, Inc, and is the co-founder of Ready, Set, Grit, a place for business-minded individuals with a spiritual consciousness to join forces for real, honest and supportive conversations around the issues that matter. Elin would love to hear from readers who have questions, comments, or who are interested in finding our more about Ready, Set, Grit: elin@whiteknightpro.com.

 

Failure, I Love You

~ whiteknighthub ~ Leave a comment

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For as long as I can remember I’ve been interested in stories about failure. This is not because I’m a negative person or some kind of twisted voyeur who enjoys watching others struggle. The part I do love is hearing how people have come up against major obstacles in their lives, and how they’ve overcome the hard stuff.

I listen to those stories as if the words are made of gold, clinging to every syllable as if somewhere within those words is the wisdom I’m seeking for my own life:

“How did you do it?”

“What is the real secret to your success?”

“Can you teach me the steps?”

 

I’ve asked questions about failure so many times and have thought so much about the answers that I’ve come to realize something. Failure is not a problem. It’s not something to be ashamed of, or to be guilty about. It’s not something we should hide from our family and friends.

In fact, it’s not even real.

All it is – the only thing – is feedback. It’s pushback from the Universe, from the business world, the stock market – whatever you happen to believe in. It’s feedback that is telling you to make an adjustment and change something. That’s it, end of story. You tried it. It didn’t work out. Figure out what you can learn from the experience, adjust and move on.

Here in the United States we are especially weird about failure. We’re a nation that values wealth and perceived success over mostly anything else (as the current political events prove). We hate weakness, vulnerability and what we perceive as failure. But I think that is a mistake. Not only does it make us extremely superficial, it also robs us of an opportunity to reflect and learn valuable lessons.

If failure is really just feedback, we need to be able to look at whatever happened without self-judgment and without any attachment to whatever it was we were trying to achieve. If you take away guilt and shame and allow yourself to pause and step back from the situation with curiosity, “Hmm, how interesting”, then you start to see the so-called failure for what it really is: a steppingstone on the path to greater success. And if it’s an inevitable marker on that road to success then we should not avoid failure – we should welcome it.

Sara Blakely, the founder of Spanx, and one of the richest self-made businesswomen in the world, famously tells how her father always encouraged his children to try to fail at something every single day. If they showed up at the dinner table without a story of how they failed at something, he’d be disappointed.

Was Sara’s dad a child-hating masochist? No, not at all. He was simply trying to teach his kids to try things. And if that thing happened to not work out he wanted them to try again, and again. The only really failure in his eyes was being too afraid to try something new.

I recently read another quote that resonated with me on this topic. Michael Dowling, the CEO of Northwell Health, was interviewed in the New York Times and said, “I do not like it when people talk to me about how something can’t be done. I don’t want you to tell me you can’t do something. You may not get there 100% of the time but you can get there 80%, so don’t start with the presumption that you can’t.

And that’s the thing. You may not feel fully prepared to try something new, and that is very common. But please don’t let the fear of failure stop you.

How many people feel fully prepared to start a business, or raise a child? If you’re undertaking any new venture you will probably experience a certain amount of failure – perhaps a great deal of it, but don’t let that simple fact stop you from trying. It’s not important to get every single thing right. What is important is to keep your eye on your goal and to ask the question, “How can I try something new today? Will it be possible to fail at something? I hope so because then I get to gain new knowledge!”

So, go forth and fail, friends. I’d love to hear about your experiences in the comments below.

Leap Before You Look Too Hard

~ whiteknighthub ~ 1 Comment

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This morning I had the opportunity to talk with a woman who is one of the leapers – those of us who have left the security of the corporate job in pursuit of starting our own company. In her case the motivation was strong – her corporate job meant that she was only able to spend 15 minutes a day with her infant son – not quite how she and her husband had imagined family life.

She told me how the decision to venture out on her own was easier because she was blessed with a supportive partner, but how she struggled when her old employer called her up and made a job offer of her old boss’ position at a much bigger salary than she had been making.

She ended up turning the offer down and opening her own shop, which got me wondering about what drives some of us to do that while others wouldn’t have thought twice about taking the corporate carrot.

In my own case, there is a moment, which is crystal clear in my memory. I was talking with the owner of the barn where I keep my horse. I had just applied for a job, which I had not gotten and was considering taking over my husband’s struggling company. Our savings were dwindling and we were raising two daughters so pursuing a non-traditional path seemed risky – even a little crazy. I was listing out for my friend all the reasons it was a terrible idea. She listened and just said, “Yes, but I don’t understand. Why would you not want to work for yourself? Why would this fail?”

And so I leapt, terrified and unsure, but also somehow more sure than I had ever been before. There’s something about listening to the inner voice, trusting the instinct that says, “Go ahead. It’s going to be okay.”

When I talk about my experience in business it is not with the intention that anyone would ever look to me as an example of the right way to do things. In fact, it is quite the opposite, really. We really had no business plan and no real financial backing. I had never taken a single business course in college, and the only real commodity we had was around our own skills in writing, advertising and video production.

Fast forward seven years and looking back, I’ve made some enormous and expensive mistakes. I’ve also learned countless invaluable lessons, grown tremendously as a person and as a leader, have developed a strong network of business connections, friendships and mentors and have had some amazing experiences that never would have been accessible to me on a more traditional career path.

After all of this I’ve become a big proponent of making the leap if you feel called to do so. How can you put a price on living life on your own terms? How will you feel 20 years from now if you realize you let fear stop you from reaching your potential?

It really isn’t necessary to have every step of the way figured out. I’m living proof of that. In fact, I think that trying to orchestrate things too much is actually a huge mistake. You also don’t have to wait until you think you’re ready to jump in to the proverbial lake and try to swim. All the skills you don’t already have can be learned. And a lot of the practical life knowledge that you have already lived will serve you well in your new venture.

If you wait until you’ve crossed all your t’s and dotted all your i’s, your ship may have sailed. Sometimes the most powerful words you can say are, “I don’t know.” Then go and figure it out.

And you’ll probably fail. More than once. And that’s okay too. It’s the part where you pull yourself up, pick up the lessons learned and go and try again that is ultimately going to lead to your great success. So, if you’re considering making a leap, I say go ahead and do it, but do it with an attitude of curiosity and fun. Try things. If they don’t work out, try something else. Ask questions. Learn. And keep the faith that you have everything you need to make your dreams come true. Because I believe is absolutely true.

Walk Away For Profit, Happiness and Success

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“And what happens if you just leave?” I remember my business coach asking one afternoon when I felt particularly overwhelmed. “Won’t you be able to do your job better if you take some time to care for yourself?”

I looked around me at the piles of work on my desk – the emails to be answered, proposals to be written, work to be reviewed and delivered to clients, and I felt tears of frustration threatening to spill over. “I don’t think you understand,” I told her. “I have work to do.”

She paused and let me really hear my words – the same words that I had been saying in one form or another for weeks on end. Although I was working long hard days, was it really making a difference? Slowly but surely my life was being taken over by my work. I was trapped on the proverbial hamster wheel – pre-programmed to run harder, faster, better, but never realizing that there was another option. Just get off.

Wow. Even saying it felt wrong, almost like sacrilege. As Americans in particular, we are taught to value and respect hard work. Having the stamina to work 60 or 80-hour weeks is a badge of honor. Skipping vacations means that you’re a dedicated and valuable employee. Missed calling your mom on her birthday because you were in conferences all day? You must be at the pinnacle of your career, right? Perhaps, but in reality I’ve come to see that my coach was right. While we all have responsibilities, finishing every single thing on our list was never the point. Going through life in a constant state of overwhelm is more of a story that we tell ourselves than a productive and healthy way of being.

On that day in my office I realized that it was time for me to make some changes.

The reality of my situation was, like most of ours, that the work would never actually all be done. It’s like all the things you have to do are constantly being poured into a magical bucket, and there is no way you can empty this bucket faster than it’s filling. And I started realizing that maybe, just maybe, ending up with an empty bucket was never really the point.

My coach told me that to her, the constant influx of work and tasks isn’t like a bucket at all, but like a Tibetan prayer wheel. Each turn of the wheel represents a new prayer mantra, and in her analogy your to-do list is kind of like those mantras. There is no beginning and no end, just new tasks coming and going with every spin.

It’s beautiful and meditative, and when you take this perspective, it’s not so much about “getting it done”, which is impossible on a wheel anyway. Instead, it becomes about finding a rhythm, creating priorities, and allowing yourself to add fun tasks onto your list (go for a walk, play with the kids, take my wife to the movies…), because not only are work-related tasks not the only important ones, they are never the most important ones.

So, how can you heed this advice and still be a productive employee or business owner? My coach and I came up with a simple three-step process that I still use today, and the more I do this the more I’m seeing profits rise and stress fall away. It really doesn’t have to be hard:

  1. Your important list has to fit on the back of a business card – Yes, your actual to-do list may have tens or hundreds of items on it, but your “must do” list should follow the guidelines that Napoleon Hill created more than 100 years ago: you have to be able to write it on an index card (or ideally, the back of a business card). This ensures that the tasks that are really critically important are noted in a clear and concise way- boiled right down to their essence. These are the things that you truly do have to get done, or at least make significant progress on, in order to achieve your goals, and this is where you need to focus your attention.
  2. Eat your frog – Mark Twain said that if you have to eat a frog you may as well get it over with and if you have to eat two frogs you should go ahead and eat the bigger one first. If there is something you’d rather not deal with – a situation you’re avoiding or a phone call you don’t want to make – get it out of the way first thing so that you can focus on things that truly matter.
  3. Set a time limit and stick to it – As soon as you truly accept that you physically cannot finish everything on your list, you have to make a deal with yourself that you get to leave the office at a pre-determined time. Ideally you will go and do something that rewards you – a yoga class, meeting a friend for a drink, or in my case, going to ride my horse. It’s too easy to think that our “personal to-do’s” are somehow less important than “work things” but I’ve come to see that this simply isn’t so. We need to nourish that other part of ourselves in order to do our best work, so consider it an investment in tomorrow’s productivity.

In fact, as I’ve followed these simple steps I’ve found that I’m more productive, more innovative while at work, and much less likely to feel overwhelmed and out of balance. Walking away took some courage, especially the first time, but now I don’t just do it at the end of the day. Sometimes I go out and do a lunchtime Pilates class. Other times I take my daughter lunch at her school, “just because.”

As I get better and better at walking away my business has been thriving more and more and people aren’t shunning me. Instead they want to “know my secret.”

The irony of that is that it couldn’t be simpler – just step off the wheel and into the life you’re consciously designing for yourself.